Panty Snatchers
by chocolatexloverx16
Summary: The Tantalizing Trio of Terror- Ian, Joseph, Kevin- have a mission: snatch panties from some females. But will this pan out the way they want it to? Will they even come out of it unscathed? Discover the answers to these questions and more, inside! Rated T for The Taunting Trio and Teamwork. Complete crack. Enjoy :D
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N**__: Ok, screw it, I need to write! You broke me, __**Mistress of the Arts**__, dammit x3 You want panty snatching? YOU GOT IT, BEEYOTCH! X3 And much more! All for just 500,000,000 payments of ten cents! XD (Totally kidding btw… I wish I could set that system up though haha.)_

_**Also**__: I'd love to know if you can guess the characters before they're revealed? It is a mystery… hehe._

_**Warnings**__: Ahem. Randomness, OOCness, craziness, crack, raging and sadistic females and their hormones, curious boys, some not-early-bird-people, bickering, dangerous mischief, missions! Rated T for The Tantalizing Trio of Terror. Also, Teamwork._

_**Dedication**__: … Fine. You can have this dedication, __**Mistress**__ x3 You deserve it after having to wait all these months for this one shot lol._

_**Disclaimer**__: I own panties. I do not own Beyblade. Not even Beyblade panties :(_

"Don't tell me you're chickening out already!" a voice whispered harshly to one of its companions.

"I'm not chickening out!" the voice hissed, "I just don't want to take her panties!"

"Why?" a third voice drawled, "you scared or something?"

"Hell no! I'm not scared of her! But dude, that's my sister we're talking about, I'm not doing it. Count me out of this one!"

On the other side of the window, a lone female slept like a rock. The moon shone into the room, showing the trio her vividly blue hair, but more importantly…

Her dresser drawers.

One of the figures took out a crowbar and set to work on prying the window open. He adjusted his goggles to fit over his eyes and pressed on the frames. There were a couple quiet beeps, and he grinned with satisfaction.

He was glad he installed that night vision feature… it sure came in handy for useful errands, such as this.

"Almost… got it…" he grunted, "hope you're ready Kevin, 'cause she won't be asleep for long once we go in."

Said figure leapt to his feet, and looked ready to pounce. "Ready when you are, boss." He whipped his head toward the sulking silhouette. "You sure you don't want to join us, Joseph? This could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see the inside of her room…"

"I'll pass thanks. Just tell me when you're ready to snatch from the others, alright?"

"Alright, suit yourself," Kevin shrugged, "it just means more fun for us!"

Ian made a soft noise of approval. "We're in! Come on Kevin, it's showtime!"

Kevin grinned, and followed Ian's ninja-like entrance into the bedroom.

So far, so good.

Ian set to work pulling the drawers out of the dresser, muttering to himself. "Pants… shirts… socks… ugh, none of this is any good… oooh, her ripcord and launcher is in here, but that's not important… oh come on, where are the panties?"

"Having trouble there, Ian?"

"Shut it Kevin. We'll find some, we just underestimated her," Ian shot Kevin a glare, "and would you help me look?"

"Fine, fine, but I'll look in her closet," Kevin replied casually, stepping into said room. He flicked out his miniature flashlight and switched it on, surveying the foreign area. "I found it!" he exclaimed a little too loudly. "And look, they're even lacy and all that! And, are these… sandwiches in here?"

Ian merely grunted in response.

"Ian? You ok, boss?"

Silence.

"Hello?"

He crept out of the closet, only to be met with a fist. Kevin registered the sensation of being upside down, and of his back slamming into something hard.

He weakly attempted to stand up, but a hand shoved him back down. He glanced to his right, and saw Ian's goggles.

His head snapped up at the sound of a throat being cleared. "And just what the hell are you doing in my room?!"

Kevin smiled slightly at her. "I… was hungry?"

"… _What?_" She hissed. "You were… _hungry_, and decided to sneak into my room because of that?" Her eyes flashed angrily, and she bared her teeth. "You PERVERT!"

"I'm not a pervert!" he protested. "I'm not even the ringleader, so lay off wouldja?"

"Why should I?" she challenged.

He smirked. "Because if you don't… I'll tell everybody about all those sandwiches you're hoarding!"

She gasped. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would," Kevin retaliated. "Unless…"

Her eyes narrowed. "Unless what?"

"… Unless you let Ian and me go. With a pair of your panties."

She bit her lip, contemplating her choices. Neither was good, not at all. But what could she do? She couldn't very well let her weakness be exposed to the world! … But her panties!

It's such a cruel thing, having to choose between panties and sandwiches.

She sighed, locking gazes with the enemy. "Fine. But only one pair, do you understand me?" She walked just to the left of him, and freed Ian from his restraint.

Ian scowled. "Finally. What the hell was that thing anyway? It was so soft, but it wouldn't budge… why couldn't I get it off?"

"It's called a bra, numbskull."

.

"You bribed her," Joseph deadpanned. "Really?"

Kevin shot him a glare. "Did you know about the sandwiches in-"

"-her closet? Yeah."

"And you never told us?"

"Was I supposed to?" Joseph fought back a grin. "It's not like it's a big deal. They're just sandwiches."

"In her closet? Seems fishy to me," Ian frowned, looking up at the house before them. "Well, let's hope this one goes better."

"Oh please, she's harmless. This one will be a cinch." Joseph stopped holding his grin back. "In fact, I bet I could snatch her panties all by myself, no problem."

Kevin smiled mischievously. "You want to raise the stakes, then?"

"What do you have in mind?" Joseph asked, mirroring Kevin's expression.

"How about this… if you manage to snag her panties, you get to play leader for the rest of the night-"

"Excuse me, _I'm_ leader-"

"-but if you fail, you have to be live bait the rest of the missions." Kevin finished, speaking over Ian.

Joseph's jaw dropped. "Are you serious? I won't get to be in on the action?"

"You chickening out of the bet?" taunted Kevin.

"Not on your life!" he shot back. "I'll go through with this, and I'll win!" He switched his gaze from Kevin to Ian. "You better enjoy your final moments of leadership, because I'm gonna be the leader real soon!"

The other two watched Joseph creep his way up to a window; third one up, in the middle. He was using suction cups to prevent the fall to his doom, of course.

He smiled mischievously. Those suction cups sure came in handy.

Meanwhile, Ian glared at Kevin. "Why the hell did you tell him he could be the leader? I'm not giving up my post you know."

Kevin smiled mischievously. "I know that. And I just told him he could 'play leader'. It doesn't mean he'll actually _be_ the leader, you see?"

Ian smirked. "Looks like I underestimated you. Do you think he'll succeed?"

"Psh, yeah right. I bet he won't even be able to sneak into her room-"

CRASH!

Joseph mentally cursed himself. Sneaking up the wall to her window was simple enough, but perhaps punching the window open wasn't the right approach to take.

The formerly sleeping occupant shot straight up in her bed. "Who's there?" Her eyes were wide with panic, and she reached a trembling hand to her right to grab her beyblade and launcher. "I-I'm armed! So you b-better stay back!"

He rolled his eyes at her 'threat' and jumped into the room, dusting himself off in the process.

"Who are you? Why are you in my room? What do you want?" She demanded to know in a steadier voice. Her grip on her blade tightened anxiously when she saw the boy with green hair entering her room so calmly.

"Relax, would ya? I won't be here for long."

"What do you mean by that?" Her voice was wary, suspicious. And why wouldn't it be? It's not every night a random guy breaks into her room!

Joseph smirked at the timid girl. "Once I grab what I came for, I'll be out of your hair, got it? It's that easy." He strolled over to her dresser, and opened the top drawer.

"W-what are you doing?! You have no right to go d-digging around-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. What the hell is this?" He demanded to know, holding up a strange contraption. Said contraption had two straps on it, a tiny bow between two round sections on it, some hook things on the opposite side… and it was pink.

She made her way over to him-feeling all too embarrassed-and snatched the object back from him. "None of your business! Now get out!" she commanded as harshly as she could.

Which, judging by his nonchalant expression, wasn't saying much.

He shrugged and commenced digging through the drawer, in search of his prize. Joseph didn't pay the girl any mind, as he was too focused on finding those panties.

"Excuse me! Hello?! Would you answer me already?!" the pink-haired girl said in exasperation. She nudged the stranger with her beyblade launcher, but he didn't react at all. Sighing, she gave up and left her room.

At least, that's what he assumed she did. "Finally, some peace. Now let's see… how many of those contraptions does she have?! What does she even do with these things?" he ranted, poking the hooks curiously. They were small, but sharper than he thought they'd be.

Outside, Ian and Kevin were pacing impatiently. "Where the hell is he? Shouldn't he be back by now?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, fail or not, he should've come back already."

"Do you think he had a confrontation, considering the noisy break-in?" Ian pondered, ceasing his pacing.

Kevin followed suit. "Yeah, probably."

Ian looked over at him. "Do you think we should help him out?"

"Yeah, probably."

Neither moved from their spot.

.

Joseph let out a growl of frustration. That damn dresser had about nine different possible openings in it, and none of them had any panties that he could find! This was ridiculous! He should've found some much sooner than this!

He slammed the drawers shut with a bang, and stomped over to the closet, careful not to trip on the mass of clothes on his way. She probably won't appreciate the mess he left, but oh well! It's not like he was here for charity anyway.

He pulled the closet double doors open, and stared. What was in front of him, almost didn't even compute in his mind. Panties, panties everywhere! He actually found them! "Jackpot!" he yelled victoriously. He immediately started grabbing as many panties as he could and stuffed them into his pockets. Once he figured he had enough pairs, he strapped his suction cups back on and turned to leave.

The only problem was… he wasn't alone anymore.

"Who the hell are you?" A newcomer with bright red hair and bold green eyes demanded to know.

Not that Joseph could tell the details of this guy's hair and eyes, as it was nighttime, but no matter. "Why does it matter to you?" he shot back.

"I'm always interested to know who's coming out of the closet nowadays."

Joseph blinked. "What do you mean by that? I'm not about to stay in the closet-Why are you laughing at me?"

After composing himself, the stranger finally introduced himself. "I'm Raul. I'll ask again, who the hell are you?"

"… If I tell you my name, will you tell me why you're laughing at me?"

Raul smiled. "Alright, sure."

The alarm bells in Joseph's head told him this guy could not be trusted, but he threw caution to the wind anyway. "My name's Joseph. Your turn."

To Joseph's chagrin, this Raul just kept laughing at him for no reason whatsoever! He didn't even do anything that would make this guy act so amused. He had no idea why Raul was laughing at him…

… But he knew he didn't like it.

"Excuse me? You were supposed to explain _why_ you were laughing at me, not keep doing so!" Joseph bared his teeth in annoyance. "I'm so outta here…"

Raul ceased laughter, and held his hand out to block Joseph's path. "I don't think so. I believe you have something of Matty's?" he glanced at the shorter boy's bulked-up form. "Or rather, a lot of somethings."

"What's it to you?"

"I would appreciate it if you'd hand them over, please," Raul politely requested. Joseph had a feeling the manners were just an act; that this guy wasn't as nice as he seemed.

"Why? So you can take credit for this loot?" He glared suspiciously at Raul. "You're not even on my team."

Raul blinked. "What? Your team?" His eyes narrowed. "Are you saying there's a whole group of you going around stealing ladies' panties? That's ridiculous."

Joseph crossed his arms in what he hoped was an intimidating fashion. "Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"IS NOT!"

"IS TOO!"

"IS-"

"For the love of all that is holy, would you two can it!?" A new voice thick with sleep cut through the intense argument. "Some of us are trying to sleep here!"

Joseph cocked an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

"Miguel," he scowled as he introduced himself. "Why are you even here? This is Mathilda's room… Mathilda!"

They all listened as her footsteps grew closer, then became blinded when she flipped on the light.

"Yes Miguel?" she asked curiously, ignoring the protests to the light.

"Why do you have two boys in your room, and at this hour?! _Some_ of us are trying to sleep!" he complained gruffly.

Mathilda was torn between amusement and extreme embarrassment. "It's n-not what you think, honest!" She made a choked sound that could be a laugh or a cry. "I didn't even know who the green one was! He just came through my window!"

Miguel's half-lidded eyes widened at this. "You just met him?"

A nod.

"And he broke your window?"

Another nod.

"And you let him stay anyway?!"

Mathilda sighed. There was just no getting through to Miguel when lacking his beauty sleep. "No, he forced his way into my room, and started going through my… um… lingerie."

Miguel had time only to blink before Raul interjected into the conversation. "Your lingerie!? Such a naughty word for a delicate lady such as yourself to use!"

She rolled her eyes at his antics, but couldn't help giggling anyway. It always amused her so when he called her a 'delicate lady'.

Joseph used this time to very carefully try to tiptoe to the broken window. But apparently tiptoeing with suction cups strapped on the bottom of one's shoes doesn't work very well.

"And just _where_ do you think you're going? We're not done with you yet!" Raul shouted, looking intimidating with his hands on his hips.

The snatcher took about two seconds to analyze his situation. Two guys were closing in on him, and the girl was watching with a horrified look on her face.

What he didn't know was that he took her favorite pair of panties in his raid, but anyway.

Joseph turned tail and ran at an angle out the window, hoping to get a grip on the wall. Instead his suction cup hand came into contact with another window, which he also broke. He grimaced. If he gets caught, he's going to have a lot of damages to cover!

Not to mention, he's now dangling from a second-level window with two bladers glaring down at him. He swallowed nervously, and looked down.

Ian and Kevin were waiting just below where he was hanging. "It's about time you got outta there! Would you hurry and get down here? Time's a-wastin'!" Kevin yelled at him.

"Yeah! Those panties won't snatch themselves!" Ian added helpfully.

"Thanks for the support you guys!" Joseph grumbled back at them. "I feel so safe with you around!"

"Good!" they chorused, and held out their arms. "Now jump, wouldja?"

"Did you rehearse this?"

"Yes," Ian answered.

Seeing no other choice, Joseph let go of the windowpane, and soared towards his partners in crime.

And the last thing he saw was the two stepping away from him, snickering. He was about to curse them when he realized he stopped falling.

_Why'd I stop? I didn't land on anything…_ he looked around, but all he could see were leaves.

And eyes. Many many little eyes staring at him.

"Oh shit. Kevin! Ian! Help me! Get me away from these beasts!"

The two glanced up at the tree. "What beasts?" Ian asked. "I only see your limbs and…" he trailed off. He leaned towards Kevin. "Is it raining panties?" he whispered.

Kevin scurried to the base of the tree to inspect. "Yes indeed! Hey, Joey, are you aware that panties are falling from your shorts?"

Joseph spared him the quickest of glances, still quite fearful of the numerous beasts in the tree. "Well, that explains why I feel like I lost so much baggage. You mind grabbing them for me?"

"Wouldn't you rather have Ian retrieve them for you while I gallantly rescue you from your demons, Joseph?"

"… Why are you talking like that?"

"I don't know, really," Kevin shrugged, then climbed up to Joseph's branch with ease.

"Sure… just leave the hard work for me…" Ian muttered darkly to himself, picking up stray panties.

Joseph would deny this later, but he was clinging to Kevin as if he was his only hope for living. "Get me down get me down those beasts are getting closer!"

"Would you get off of me!?" Kevin demanded. "You're distracting me from being awesome."

Joseph scowled, but loosened his hold. A little. "Just get me down! Please?"

The beasts were starting to close in on them…

"Wait a minute…" Kevin paused in their descent to look at the creatures. "These are squirrels! Why are you afraid of squirrels?"

"I'm not! Those did not look like squirrels, ok? They looked like beasts of the night, that's what it was." Joseph relaxed his grip in his relief. This turned out to be a bad idea, as he wasn't holding on to Kevin anymore.

THUD!

"Hey! You ok down there?" Kevin shouted at him.

"Perfect. The panties cushioned the fall, you know?" Joseph answered in kind.

Ian ran up to him, presumably with concern. "Do you see these panties?" Ian held them about three inches from the poor boy's face. "These are only some of the panties you dropped on the ground. You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Thanks for the concern, _boss_. It's not like I wanted to drop them-"

"LOOK OUT BELOW!"

Ian and Joseph moved just in time. Kevin jumped to their spot, also cushioned by the panties. He grinned. "You know, we could use these in the future, in case we, ya know, have to jump out of windows or something."

"Riiight…" Joseph drawled sarcastically. "Anyway, who's next?"

Ian composed himself importantly and took out an official looking document. He cleared his throat and unrolled what could very well be ten miles worth of paper. His team warily watched it unfurl. There were many, _many_ lines of text to be seen, and the two green-haired comrades swore it wasn't just in English either, which they weren't surprised by. Ian _would_ use Russian as a means to code important sections.

"… Those're our plans for tonight's snatching? I thought there were only eight girls on our list…"

Ian stared at Kevin with a confused expression on his face. "Yeah, there are just eight of them. What would make you think otherwise?"

"B-bu-but your list… it's ten miles long!"

"Eleven point five four to be precise, but let's not be anal," Ian replied with a roll of his eyes. "What are you making a big deal out of this list for?"

Joseph growled impatiently. "Are those or are those not our plans for tonight?"

"Oh," Ian exclaimed innocently, "this is my shopping list for my team. Did you think this was relevant to what we were saying? Whoops."

"Seriously?" Kevin and Joseph deadpanned.

Ian ignored their annoyance and dug through his pockets for the right list. The longer he took to dig around for it, the more their annoyance grew.

"How many lists do you need?!"

"I'm a very organized person, ok? Get off my case, Kevin," he snapped defensively, still shuffling papers around. "Here we go!" Ian unfolded what looked like a treasure map with several X's scattered throughout. "Ok, team, our next target is…" he leaned in conspiratorially.

The other two leaned in as well, excited to finally know who was next.

They grinned in anticipation, ready to take their next target head on.

_**A/N**__: End of part one of three! Isn't this exciting? ._

_Peace and love!_

_chocolatexloverx16_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N**__: Part two of three! Still oh so very exciting! X3_

_**Warning: **__The craziness gets worse. Trust me._

Joseph puffed out his chest. As leader, he needed to appear as intimidating as possible. "Alright, comrades, here is what we're going to do-"

"Again," Ian interjected, "I'm the leader, not you. I'm pretty sure I already told you this about ten times."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you over my amazing leadership skills."

Ian groaned, and turned to Kevin. "Do you see what you created? This is all your fault."

Kevin put on an innocent expression. "No it's not. I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You do remember making that bet with him earlier, right? Where you told him if he got the panties he could play leader?" Ian frowned. "He's taking it much too seriously. That's _my_ position."

"It seems like _you're_ the one taking this too seriously. What's wrong with him having a little fun?" Kevin retorted.

"Hey! No slacking you two! Keep up! These panties won't snatch themselves!" Joseph called over his shoulder importantly. "If we all stick to the plan, this should go off without a hitch, so hurry up!"

Ian scowled deeply, and threw his crowbar at Kevin, who dodged.

"You are a real pain, Kevin, you know that?"

Kevin smirked. "I know. It's one of my best traits."

"What did I say about slacki-!"

"Oh, get off your high horse!" Ian narrowed his eyes at the posing leader.

"Yeah, you better watch yourself, or else Ian here will throw a crowbar at you!" Kevin warned mockingly.

Unfortunately for them, this bickering lasted until they reached their destination…

And the intended target heard the commotion. She shot up in her bed, panting heavily as if waking from a nightmare. Her eyes darted around in a panic, wondering just what it was that woke her. Whatever it was would pay for disturbing her beauty sleep.

And for disturbing the peace, of course.

Grumbling incoherent phrases, she dragged herself out of bed and grabbed the hockey stick she always keeps next to her bed. Making sure it was secure in her grip, she made her way out her room, when a bright light caught her eye. Noticing it was her phone, she frowned pensively and picked it up.

She had two unread text messages, one each from Mariam and Mathilda. She opened up Mariam's first, and was greeted with:

_Hide your sandwiches, hide your panties, there're pervs on the loose!_

She cocked an eyebrow at that. Still, she told herself, Mariam was always paranoid about others stealing her sandwiches. She tried to make sense of the rest of it, but her mind was too clouded with sleep. Deciding she wasn't getting anywhere, she tried Matty's:

_Very strange night… this one boy broke my window and stole a whole bunch of my panties. Then Miguel asked me why I had so many boys in my room. So embarrassing T.T_

Her eyebrows now furrowed. "They both mention panties, that can't be a coincidence… can it? Oh, I really should stop talking to mys-"

CRASH!

"Oh! That's what woke me up!" She exclaimed to herself. "Intruders!" was the last thing she told herself before racing out the door and to the front yard, waving her hockey stick around wildly.

"Who's there?! If you're those panty snatchers I _will_ beat you with my hockey stick!" She warned vehemently.

There was some rustling in nearby bushes. She stiffened, twirling around to face them with a determined expression set into place. Whatever was out here… would not best her!

"I know you're there! Just come out already, and get this over with!" She slammed the hockey stick on the ground to emphasize her point.

Meanwhile, three very innocent inconspicuous boys were in the backyard, whispering harshly about who would climb up into her room first.

"I'm leader; I should get to go in first!"

"No way Ian! This is my rope we're using, so I'm gonna go first!"

"Quit lying Kevin, that's my rope!" Joseph said distractedly.

"Hang on! If we keep arguing like this, she'll realize that squirrel up there is a decoy before we even get inside!" Ian pointed out.

"Yeah… I guess you're right," Kevin reluctantly admitted.

Joseph would have admitted it as well, but he was now focused on trying to figure out where all his panties have gone. He stole a whole bunch of them, but now they're disappearing!

Ian interrupted his thoughts by talking again. "So what we should do is just take a step back…" he intently watched the other two back away, and seized his chance. "And let me go first!"

Kevin and Joseph protested rather loudly about this injustice.

"Hey! You can't just do that! That's dirty-!"

"Shut it Kevin!" Ian whispered loudly through his smile. "Or would you like to be caught right now?"

Kevin sulked in response and glanced over at a suspiciously silent Joseph. "What's with you?"

Joseph huffed. "I'm missing panties."

Kevin frowned at him. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I am! Wouldn't you notice if you lost panties?" Joseph shot back. "I wonder where they went…"

The two were deep in thought, oblivious to the deranged shadow sneaking up on them by stomping quite loudly and swinging her stick around angrily.

She cleared her throat in annoyance. "Are you talking about _these_ panties?" she yelled, making them jump.

"Yes! Thanks for returning th-"

"Joe, don't be an idiot," Kevin reprimanded him. "Where did you find those panties?"

Her frown deepened. "There was a trail of them leading from the bushes to here! About twenty pairs or so!" She swung her hockey stick in their direction, showing off every single pair of panties she picked up. "I put them on my hockey stick so they'd be easier to carry."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, mind if I use a hockey stick for my loot?" Joseph asked.

"Who are you asking, me or her?" Kevin asked skeptically.

"Whoever will let me use one?" he replied hopefully.

"Not me," Kevin and Salima chorused, and grimaced at each other.

"Aw man," Joseph said, disappointed in his luck, "I was hoping someone would let me use one," he pouted sulkily.

Salima used his whining as an excuse to swing her hockey stick at him. Unfortunately for her, all the panties softened the blow and he didn't feel the full brunt of her anger.

"Dammit," she cursed through gritted teeth. "That didn't go as planned!" She forcefully removed said undergarments from her hockey stick, while Kevin looked on in horror…

… And Joseph eagerly swooped down to grab every panty he could.

She gasped, and whacked the snatcher upside the head. "I knew it! I knew it was you guys! Stealing the panties!" She was seeing so much red she didn't bother talking in complete sentences.

"What are you talking about?" Kevin asked her, feigning innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking ab-"

"Hey! Hey you guys!" Ian's voice floated from Salima's bedroom window. "Guess what?! I found her panties!" He raced to the window to look at them. "And there were some really delicious cookies in here too, I'd share but they're gon-oh. She's with you guys. Oh crap. Gotta go!"

Salima fumed at the stranger in her room, and started running full sprint for her room. "I don't think so!"

Ian's eyes were round with fear, and he hurriedly made sure the panties were secure with all his other gear, and reached for the rope.

The rope that was no longer hanging from her window. "Oh no," he breathed. "This is not good. Not good at all!"

He gasped when he heard her footsteps closing in on him. He glanced around her room, in a blazing panic, when he realized something:

He could not fight her.

So he did what any other person would do in his situation: He huddled in the corner furthest from the door and attempted to hide behind an umbrella. He frowned at his hiding spot; he knew it wouldn't do him much good at all, so he rapidly crawled to her armoire and pulled out the vacuum he found when rummaging around earlier. With haste, he found himself back in that corner, arms around the vacuum in desperation.

And he was just in time too; for she kicked the door open so harshly it was barely even attached to its hinges anymore. "I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE!" she yelled demonically, flipping the light on.

Ian stifled a yelp at the blinding brightness of said light. He jumped though, which unfortunately gave away his position.

"AHA! THERE YOU ARE!" she insisted upon yelling in the same voice as before. "I SHALL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CROSS ME!"

Chills went up Ian's spine when he heard her cackling to herself. Why was it that he always had the crazy ones? _Couldn't it have been Joseph or Kevin instead? Where are they anyway?_

He gave a desperate war call, and threw the vacuum in her general direction, hoping to distract her from… whatever she's planning to do with him.

That vacuum cleaner didn't even work as a decoy. She ducked under it and smirked at him. "Nice try. Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily?" Her eyes flashed crazily, and she swung her hockey stick at his face with what she considered to be a satisfying CRACK!

He staggered back in shock and pain, moaning in agony. That direct hit happened to collide with his nose, which was very sensitive to contact; _any_ kind of contact.

Ian did the only thing he could think to do through his blinding pain.

He screamed.

.

Kevin and Joseph looked up from their project in Salima's backyard, startled by a scream. "Dude, what was that?" Joseph asked hesitantly.

Kevin looked thoughtful. "I think that was Ian screaming… but I can't be sure. I've never heard him scream before. Have you?"

"No."

"Then I don't know what it is," he shrugged dismissively. "Do you want to go check it out or keep doing this?" He asked, motioning towards the document with just their names and random items written underneath each name.

Joseph paused a moment. "Well… considering how much of a jerk he's been lately, I say we just leave him alone. Now," he casually steered the conversation back where it was before, "who gets Ian's blade?"

"I should, I'm his second-in-command." Kevin smugly answered him.

Joseph looked ready to accept this, but paused just before pen touched paper. "Wait a minute, who made you second-in-command?" he demanded to know.

"Um, I'm pretty sure Ian did."

"When?" Joseph challenged.

"When you decided you were too lazy to go help him out of trouble!"

"Oh, and you should talk?"

"_I've_ been more helpful!" Kevin countered.

Joseph calmly and gently set the pen down. Turning to face Kevin head-on, he quietly asked, "And who took Mathilda's panties all by himself, with neither of his comrades helping him? Oh that's right, it was me," he cleared his throat and spoke louder, "and who was it that acquired the most panties in one mission? Oh, right again, it was me."

Kevin raised an eyebrow. "Your point?"

"My point," seethed Joseph, "is that _I_ should get Ian's blade!"

"He's not dead yet, ya know," Kevin pointed out.

"Yeah, well, the screaming stopped," Joseph informed him. "That must mean something. Either she stopped beating him…" he trailed off.

"Or he's dead," they chorused, staring up at her bedroom window apprehensively.

.

"You are such a wuss, you know that?" Salima taunted.

Ian managed a glare. "You would have screamed too if you were in that much pain. What did I do to deserve that anyway? I think you broke my nose!"

"You ate my cookies," she said while crossing her arms, "and that is a criminal offense in my book. I let you off easy this time."

"… Do you usually get that angry when someone eats your cookies?" He hesitantly asked.

"Well, yeah. I'm a really nice person once you get to know me. But if you eat my cookies, just know that you're going to be in some deep shit." She closed her eyes to reminisce wistfully. "I accidentally hospitalized Goki once when he stole my nightly plate of cookies. He tends to avoid me now, but I did forgive him. Eventually."

Ian stared.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have crumbs on my face?" Salima felt around for a mirror desperately. Finding none, she widened her search range and stumbled around her room erratically. Still finding no success, she gave up with a huff and sat back down.

"You're crazy." Ian deadpanned.

"Just because I stopped assaulting you," Salima eyed his broken nose, "doesn't mean that you're safe. You should keep that in mind," she replied nonchalantly.

He shuddered, unconsciously shielding his nose. _Damn my weakness._

.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Joseph questioned, doing his best to keep up with his partner-in-crime.

"Sure it is Joey. If _we_ don't go in there and save Ian's ass, who will?"

"But what if she starts attacking us?" Joseph tentatively asked.

"That's what these are for," Kevin smirked confidently, gesturing to a dish of cookies. "It's a foolproof plan!"

"If you say so," Joseph doubtfully agreed.

Kevin tiptoed up the stairs, desperately hoping none would creak under his weight. He motioned for Joseph to follow him once he made it to the top step. He cringed when Joseph accidentally stepped on an excessively noisy creak halfway up.

"Shhhh! You'll get us caught!" Kevin hissed.

"Sorry!" Joseph whispered back sheepishly.

Shaking his head, Kevin pointed to the door across from them. "According to my calculations, I'd say they're both in this room."

Joseph nodded. "I think so too… mostly because the light's on."

Kevin snorted quietly, being sure to embrace the cookie platter closely. "Whatever. Let's go."

.

Salima was winding up her fist, about to go in for the kill again, when it happened.

There was a knock on the door.

Growling softly to herself, she grudgingly stepped away from Ian and his nose to answer the door. "Yes? What do you want?" Salima demanded to know. "I'm very busy!"

Joseph meekly waved. "Hello, remember us? We're just here to get Ian back, if that's ok."

"'If that's ok'? Why would that be ok? We're not done discussing things yet!"

"I wouldn't really call you hitting me 'discussing things'…" Ian muttered to himself.

"What was that?" Salima glared at him.

"Nothing!"

Kevin waved his package in her face to get her attention. "Hello! I'm willing to give you _this_," he gestured to said package with his free hand, "for Ian."

Salima snorted. "What makes you think I'd accept any sort of bribe from you?"

Kevin grinned deviously. "Because this is an offer you can't refuse!" In a flourish, he uncovered the cookies for her to see.

"Oh my god, they're so beautiful!" Salima declared, hearts in her eyes.

Kevin darted his eyes to his comrade. "Joey, she's distracted! Go! Go! Go!"

Joseph quickly snuck past the she-beast without much trouble. Eyes quickly darting across the room for dramatic effect, he hustled over to Ian, right in the middle of the floor.

"It took you guys long enough!" Ian complained bitterly.

"Shhh!" Joseph waved his complaints off, "we can talk about it later. Now let's move!"

Ian nodded, rushing to his feet. "Out the door or the window?"

"Heh. What do you think?" Joseph retorted, swinging a rope in his hands. Grinning, he rushed to the window and tied the rope quickly, for he knew time was limited. He handed the untied end to Ian. "Here, jump while we have the chance."

"What do you-"

"THE COOKIES ARE GONE!" Kevin yelled in warning.

Ian's eyes widened. "Ok, going!" He dropped the rope in panic, and jumped out the window anyhow.

Joseph whistled in amazement. "Looks like I put that up for nothing…" He shrugged, then detached the rope and put it back on his person. He turned around, only to be met with an atrocious sight.

She was _right there_, not two feet away from him. And her eyes had a possessed look to them, they were so wide open.

And the chocolate was smeared all over her face…

It was enough to make a grown man want to cry for his mother.

Joseph bit back a scream when he realized he couldn't see Kevin anywhere.

"Where's Kev?" He hesitantly asked her.

She got even closer, and smiled widely. "He's gone…" her smile widened even further when he gulped, "… to get me more cookies."

Joseph nodded, slowly backing towards the window. "R-right… well, have fun with that…" he trailed off, having backed into the open window.

Her face looked even more deranged, if that was at all possible, and he swore he heard her mutter, "There can never be too many cookies… all the fun in the world… chocolate chips…"

Having heard enough, he steeled himself to jump out the window Ian-style.

He landed a little roughly, but definitely not so badly he couldn't walk.

He ran. He ran as fast and as far as his legs would take him. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel, his freedom. Just a little further…

"Joseph! Over here!" A voice called out to him. In his surprise, he stumbled and fell face down.

He grimaced at the pain, and at the laughter that followed. Apparently his _comrades_ were fine.

Just his luck.

_**A/N**__: Just one more part to go! (The last one is the longest, so brace yourself!)_

_Peace and love!_

_chocolatexloverx16_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N**__: Last part! Hope it's just as exciting as the others! :3_

_**Warning**__: Even crackier. Probably. Just brace yourself anyway._

"Ok… now who's next?" Joseph asked sharply, his pride still wounded from the tumble.

Kevin straightened. "Mariah. We should steal her panties now."

Ian snorted. "Any particular reason? Does she have a mother load of them?"

"Why would I know?" Kevin shot back a little too quickly.

"Someone's defensive."

"Shut it, Joe." Kevin growled warningly.

"Don't call me Joe! Joseph, or Joey, but not Joe!" Joseph hissed back.

Ian held the two apart with a sigh. "Ok, ok, let's go to this place where Mariah is. She's on the list anyway." He looked solely at Kevin. "Lead the way, hotshot."

Kevin frowned. "Um…" he walked a little bit in each direction. "Hang on, gimme a minute to figure this out…"

"Are you lost?" Joseph inquired sarcastically.

"No!" Kevin snapped. "I'm just trying to figure out where Hilary's place is."

Ian raised a brow. "Why?"

"Because Mariah said she was spending the night over there. Duh." Kevin rolled his eyes.

Ian smirked broadly. "That's perfect. You know what this means?"

"We're gonna be killed?"

"_No Joe_, it means we've hit the jackpot in panties!" Kevin answered assuredly.

Joseph sulked at the nickname. "I still think they're gonna maim us…" he mumbled to himself.

.

Two phones buzzed. One pink haired girl and one brunette simultaneously dived for the coffee table; this turned out to be a bad idea, as the bumps on their heads will testify.

The brunette rubbed her forehead in irritation. "I really hope this is worth the hassle."

Her friend nodded with a grimace. "Yeah, no kidding. Well, let's see what the deal is…" She flipped open her phone and saw three unread text messages. "Three messages?"

"You have three too? Mine are from Mariam, Salima… and Mathilda."

The pinkette wrinkled her brows. "… Yeah, same. I wonder what it could mean?"

The brunette's eyes lit up. "I bet there's some global conspiracy going on, and they're warning us of some danger!"

Her friend snorted. "Yeah right, Hil. They're more likely to be having boy trouble or something." She held her phone up to Hilary. "See? Mariam says '_Hide your sandwiches, hide your panties, there're pervs on the loose!_'"

Hilary huffed. "Close enough, Mariah. Close enough. So when are these 'pervs' supposed to show up anyw-"

CRASH!

The duo jumped in their skins. "I suppose that's them?" Hilary whispered.

"Yeah," Mariah whispered back with certainty. "But they don't know that we know they're here."

Hilary nodded fervently. "That's true. Do you have something in mind?"

Mariah, looking pensive, went into the kitchen. When she came back out, Hilary noticed she was carrying a frying pan and a table. "So, which are you better at using as a weapon?"

The brunette blinked rapidly, not believing what she was seeing. "Well, I could always use some practice throwing tables."

The pinkette smiled, accepting her reasoning, and lightly tossed the table that could seat six people toward Hilary, and crouched down next to her.

And they waited.

.

"Dammit Joseph!" Ian growled. "Why do you keep breaking shit?!"

"It wasn't me!" Joseph retorted, pointing at Kevin. "It was him!"

"What!? Don't go blaming this on me. We saw you punch that window in, you maniac!"

"Lies!"

.

After a few moments of fidgeting, the wielder of the frying pan stood up. "You know, this 'waiting around' business really doesn't suit us. Let's go out and kick some ass before they get a chance to steal our panties!" Mariah declared vivaciously.

The wielder of the table snorted. "How enthusiastic. But I get your point. Let's get this over with, shall we?" There was no mistaking that glint in her eyes. She smirked. "After you!"

They stepped through the threshold and searched their surroundings. A pointless endeavor, considering the excessive bickering they stumbled upon in the front yard.

"You take that back!"

"Joe, it's so _obvious_ that you have a problem keeping windows intact!"

"IT WAS ONLY TWO WINDOWS!"

"Actually… it was three."

"WHATEVER!"

The two girls exchanged bemused looks. Just what on earth were they arguing about anyway?

"Shall we surprise attack?" Hilary whispered.

Mariah said nothing, only smirked. That was all the answer Hilary needed. She picked up her table, and threw it at Joseph and Kevin.

A creepily satisfied smile crossed her lips when she heard the crash upon impact. "Gotcha!" she exclaimed proudly, hands on hips. "That'll teach you not to take our panties!"

The green-haired males were too busy groaning in pain to reply coherently. This crazy chick just threw a table and managed to get them both in the gut.

The pain was worse than what Salima put them through. They shuddered at the thought.

"Hilary…" Mariah hesitantly began, "I think you may have gone a little too far."

"Not a chance! These two had it coming!" Hilary insisted.

Mariah snorted. "Right. Sure they did. And I see they have all our panties right now, don't they?"

"So what?" the brunette challenged. "They may not have them now, but they were going to take them!"

Pained laughter broke up the argument.

Both girls snapped their heated gazes onto the boys. "What?!"

Kevin kept smiling at them. "What makes you think we failed?"

Mariah growled. "_Kevin_… if you did something with them, then so help me-"

"What makes you think we did anything with them?" Joseph interjected quickly.

Hilary squinted at him. "You're acting a little _too_ happy-go-lucky after what I just did to you. I didn't hit you in the head or anything."

The pink-haired girl gasped. "Wait a minute! There's another one of you here, isn't there?"

The twin grins on their faces was all the answer she needed. Her brows furrowed, and she glanced at her comrade. "Hilary."

Hilary had already run over to Kevin and Joseph-not to find out if they were ok, but to retrieve her table-and high-tailed it back inside the house. "On it!"

.

The brunette stalked every curve, every twist and turn of her house, hoping to detect the unwanted life form. It could be anywhere, but it would be a good idea to check her panties first…

She stopped, hearing a rustling sound from outside. Hilary frowned, peering at the backyard, and saw a boy clad in goggles. She narrowed her eyes when she noticed him holding something suspicious.

A gasp. "Wait a minute! Those are my panties!" She growled before throwing the table out the window, effectively breaking it into millions of tiny shards. Thankful for the shoes she was wearing, she quickly ran through the broken glass-picked up the table-and rushed after him.

On the other side of the property, Mariah face palmed. "I take it she found the other one… knowing her, this'll get ugly real quick."

"What do you mean?" Joseph asked curiously.

"How'd you know it wasn't just the two of us?" Kevin inquired.

"Kevin, I grew up with you. I had couldn't help but learn some of your methods, or protocol, or whatever you wanna call it," she sighed, "and as for Hilary? Well, the Bladebreakers warned me of her temper. And I've seen it firsthand too. It caught me off guard, but it turns out we have a mutual belief."

"Oh, and what is that?" Kevin asked in irritation.

She smiled widely. "We think destruction is beautiful."

Joseph's eyes went wide in terror.

.

Ian was panting hard, but if it kept this crazy one from catching him, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. The brown-haired girl had chased him around the house at least ten times already.

She showed no sign of slowing down. He imagined she had the endurance of a psychopathic murderer.

Not that he gave much thought to the comparison, but anyway.

She had been chasing him so long that he was sure her evil grin would forever be implanted in his brain.

What he did give thought to, was the fact-the HORRIBLE fact-that the panties were weighing him down. _Perhaps I'd be able to run faster if I put these down?_

His eyes widened at the ludicrous idea. _No! What am I thinking? She'd take them back, and I wouldn't get another chance to steal them! Bad, Ian, ba-_

His self-scolding was cut short by the family size table that flew just over his head to land in front of him. Ian tried in vain to stop, but ran into the upside down piece of furniture, tumbling over the table's legs over to the other side of the grass.

Ian rolled around in pain for a few moments, trying to block it out. Unfortunately, when he ran face-first into the table, his nose took most of the impact.

It took all his willpower not to scream like a horrified little girl. All of it.

Little whimpers slipped out, however. And it shamed him so! _The Great Ian does not whimper! Damn her, finding my weakness like Salima did!_

Suddenly, the sunlight was blocked, and he knew exactly why that was. She had caught up to him.

"Give it up, unwanted life form!" She demanded calmly, yet loudly.

He blinked. "Say what? What the hell did you call me?"

"The panties," she growled, ignoring his question. "Now."

Groaning, he surrendered all but one pair to her. Seemingly satisfied, she pocketed them, took that damn table, and went back inside the house.

Ian did not want to leave such a cozy spot on the side of the house, so he simply lay, unmoving, and clutched his poor nose.

He had never felt so pitiful in his life.

.

Hilary ran victoriously towards Mariah, panties tight in her grip. "We did it! We did it Mariah!" She slammed the table down, as though she scored the biggest touchdown life had to offer, and it broke into pieces.

Hilary took no notice of the damage; she was too busy cheering for her victory and dancing around in circles with a less enthusiastic Mariah.

"Hil," Mariah began. "Hil, you can stop spinning me around now."

Hilary kept grinning. "But why? We won!"

"That's just what they want us to think. Look again." Mariah sighed. Of all the nights to be deranged, Hilary just had to pick tonight.

Frowning, the girl did as was asked. To her horror, the two boys under Mariah's watch were bolting off the property, body bag between them.

And several pink lacy panties.

.

"Was the body bag really necessary?" Ian whined in protest. "I mean, really?"

Kevin snorted. "Well, considering you were being a lazy ass and wouldn't lead us out of there when we bailed… yes. Yes it was."

"You know… for a short guy… you're… pretty heavy…" Joseph panted.

Ian gritted his teeth. "You're small too!"

"Am not! Kevin is!"

"Don't drag me into this!"

"You're already involved, so shut up!"

"Why don't you _both shut up!_" Ian growled. "For the love of beyblading, would you stop arguing all the time? You keep giving us away before we can sneak up on anybody! It's a wonder we've succeeded at all! We only have a few more panty stashes to raid so could you please just be quiet!?"

There was silence immediately following his rant.

"You are both shorter than I am," Kevin whispered quickly.

"I give up," Ian muttered into the body bag.

"Hey, wait a minute," Joseph blinked a few times, "who is next on our list?"

"I really don't want to tell you," Ian spat in annoyance. "Especially since you two still haven't let me out of here yet! The air is so stale!" he complained.

With an aggravated sigh, the two green-haired minions flipped the body bag upside down, effectively letting Ian out of the bag.

This, as he couldn't help but notice, left him dumped him unceremoniously onto the asphalt. He scowled, but pushed himself to his feet and dusted himself off. "Did that make you feel better? Huh?"

"A little, yeah," Kevin admitted easily.

Joseph slowly nodded his answer.

Ian shook his head in annoyance, and pulled out his map. "Ok, three left, and they're all… this way!" He pointed enthusiastically to their left, and stomped off in that direction.

"Is he really sure it's that way?"

"He hasn't let us down yet, Joe," Kevin answered seriously. "And besides, he has some sort of creepy technology that he's using to track them down, so that helps too."

"You mean the GPS?"

Kevin shrugged. "Yeah, I think so. But that's all we know about. Who knows what else he has on him?"

Joseph shuddered. Hopefully none of Ian's technology would be used against him!

"What are you waiting for Joey? We need to catch up to him!" Kevin started running after Ian, and looked over his shoulder at Joseph. "Come on, let's go!"

"Right!" Joseph scrambled to keep up with him, and they raced to see who got to Ian first.

.

They all finally stopped moving when Ian gestured towards an unassuming house a few yards away from them. His eyes seemed to glaze over in thought. "Ok, this is where Emily lives. She's pretty good with technology, but nowhere near as amazing as I am. Let's move in, but quietly!" he emphasized to his team. "We don't need any more of those fiascos you've been causing!"

Both his comrades sulked gloomily. They knew how to be quiet! It was just more fun to be loud.

"Right. Now, to get this show on the roa-" Ian abruptly stopped talking for a moment. "Where'd the ground go?!" He flailed around, but to no avail. "What happened!?"

Kevin piped up. "We've been captured, boss."

"… Oh. Right," Ian cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Well, Mr. Smartass, who captured us?"

Kevin wrinkled his eyebrows in thought. "Well, if memory serves, you said Emily was 'pretty good with technology'. Maybe she did it?"

"Pft," Ian sputtered. "And why the hell would she want to do that?"

"It might be because we're after her panties," Joseph finally added to the conversation. "But that's just a guess."

.

On the other side of the glass window, Emily and her lab assistant were scrutinizing the boys' every word. She then realized they haven't noticed said window. _How blind are they?_

She huffed. "I can't believe he underestimates my abilities with technology. Well… we'll just have to show him who he's messing with, won't we Julia?" Emily looked at her 'assistant' with an evil-looking grin.

Julia smiled sadistically in return. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

"Right," Emily cleared her throat. "Shall we begin phase one of Panties Protection and Pilfer Prevention?"

"Yeah!" Julia cheered. A moment later, her smile dropped. "Um… what was phase one again?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "We were going to bait them with Ming Ming's panties, obviously."

"You really have Ming Ming's panties?" Julia hesitantly asked.

Emily pursed her lips. "Well… not exactly. But they don't have to know that, do they? Let us watch how this pans out, shall we?"

Julia nodded. "Sounds good to me!"

.

Joseph sighed. "This whole being 'suspended in mid-air' thing isn't fun anymore. Any plans on getting out of here?"

Kevin grinned evilly. "I'm glad you asked!" He then pulled out a chainsaw from his person. "How's this work for you?!"

Ian stared. "How did you hide a chainsaw in your clothes?"

He kept grinning. "You'd be amazed how much stuff can be hidden in this black vest I'm wearing."

"Uh… you weren't wearing a black vest when we started this mission…" Joseph blinked numerous times.

Kevin was still grinning.

"Were you?" Joseph's eyes were wide. "Uh, Ian, was he wearing that this whole time?"

Ian shook his head. "Nope. I'm pretty sure that's new." He glanced nervously at the chainsaw. "And I _know_ that wasn't on my list of equipment… but if it was, it would've been for _me_, not you!"

"SILENCE!" A female voice boomed over an intercom right above them. The trio stiffened, immediately disregarding their bickering.

"What the hell is going on?! Who is that?" Joseph shakily asked his comrades.

"Got me. Must be the person that captured us," Ian supplied.

"You mean Emily, _boss_?" Kevin jeered.

"You can shut up," Ian warned, "or else…"

"Or else what?" Kevin taunted back.

Joseph closed his eyes. Oh, he had a feeling this was going to get ugly, and it was not something he planned to see.

Ian smirked. "Or else I won't share any of Ming Ming's panties with you."

Joseph gasped. He couldn't believe Ian threatened such a thing- especially to a deranged lunatic with a chainsaw.

Kevin shrugged. "Alright, be that way. I guess I'll just have to deal," he replied nonchalantly. He muttered darkly to himself, "Or maybe those panties will just have a little 'accident' that leaves them ripped to shre-"

"That's blasphemy!" Joseph found himself shouting. "How dare you even _think_ of doing something so unspeakable to such sacred items?!"

Both Ian and Kevin stared at him, shocked at the outburst. Ian shook his head rapidly in an attempt to turn his attention away from them, and back to the panties.

"Joe, it's ok," Kevin responded in a surprisingly gentle manner. "Nothing is going to happen to the panties. Ok?"

Joseph stared him down for a moment. "You mean it?"

"Of course!"

Meanwhile, Ian reached for the panties floating in front of his face, not questioning how they were there. The second he grasped them, a cage formed around him.

"Hey, you guys…" Ian hastily said, "a little help here please?" He waved the panties around frantically in his panic.

A throat cleared itself quite loudly. "Excuse me, I was trying to tell you guys to BE QUIET!"

Joseph's eyes widened. "Oh my god it's that voice again!"

Kevin sighed irritably. "Also known as Emily. _Emily_. How many times do I have to say it?" He closed his eyes. "Actually you know what; I don't want an answer to that."

"A little help… would be good right about now!" Ian repeated himself.

"Yeah yeah," Kevin mumbled, "here, take this and let yourself out, alright?" He tossed the chainsaw at Ian. "Just give it back when you're done."

"Yeesh, he could've poked an eye out doing that," a female voice commented.

"Or worse," the first female voice they heard replied back matter-of-factly.

Joseph looked towards Kevin again. "So, I suppose you know who they both are?"

Kevin hummed thoughtfully. "Well, one of them is Emily, obviously. The other is… Julia."

"How do you know?"

"Because, Joe, I'm ultra skilled, that's why." Kevin retorted smugly.

Ian carefully grabbed on to the still running chainsaw Kevin so carelessly tossed at him. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it didn't cut him up. Ian pressed the tip of his tongue on his upper lip in concentration, and swung it full-circle, breaking the cage. "Yes! I did it! I did it!"

"Good job! Now give the chainsaw back."

.

Emily chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "I may have underestimated them."

"So what's that mean?" Julia asked curiously.

"It means I need to give them one more test!" Emily declared, "and if they pass, they get to leave with the panties. But if they don't…" she made a swift hand gesture across her neck.

"You're… going to kill them?" Julia questioned slowly. "Isn't that a _bit much_ for panty theft?"

Emily shook her head. "No. I'm not going to kill them, no matter how sadistic and fun that would be. I'm going to do something worse, something they may never recover from!"

"And what's that?"

Emily grinned that evil grin again. "I will confiscate every single pair of panties from them, and sic Tala on them."

"How would you manage that?"

"Do you doubt my abilities?" Emily challenged.

Julia sighed. Admittedly, she kind of wanted to see Emily summon Tala like she claimed she could do. "So… what's the test?"

.

Unknown to the females, Emily left the intercom on, and the boys heard every word.

"They're going to sic Tala on us?" Joseph asked frightfully. "What's Tala? What's he gonna do to us? Is he some magical being that will obey Emily's every whim?"

Ian snorted louder than was necessary. "Please tell me you're kidding."

Joseph smiled sheepishly. "Right. Yep. My bad. I didn't think she could've possibly meant your teammate. Nope. Not at all."

"Stop talking, Joe," Kevin advised.

Joseph looked downcast. "Ok…"

Kevin looked over at Ian. "Is it just me, or has he been really passive lately?"

Ian shrugged. "I guess so. But he hasn't tried to play leader recently, so I don't really care."

"Are you serious? How could you say that about your own comra-"

"Are you boys ready for the most important test of your lives?!" Emily's voice resonated throughout the enclosed space.

"Yeah! Bring it on!" Kevin asserted.

Ian yawned, bored. "I'm sure I could pass this test of yours with flying colors, easy."

A series of beeps sounded, and she finally turned the intercom off. _Whoops, almost let them have the answer to the test! Silly me!_

"Emily," the automated voice of her supercomputer began to speak, "the boys have a total of forty-two panties, including Ming Ming's."

"Thanks Amelia." Emily replied, not thinking it weird to converse with a machine.

"Uh… Amelia?" Julia asked Emily.

"It's the name she insisted I call her," Emily whispered.

"Right," Julia whispered back.

"Can we get on with it already?" Ian huffed impatiently. "We don't have all day!"

"Fine!" Emily snapped. "We will let you go, scot-free, if you can tell us exactly how many pairs of panties you have. You have ten seconds to answer!"

The boys' eyes widened at that. Ten seconds!? They whispered furiously to each other, deciding which number to pick.

"Yo, Emily?" Kevin spoke up.

"Yes?" Emily answered, annoyed.

"Could we each pick a number, or does it have to be just one for all of us?"

"I suppose one for each of you would be alright…" Emily responded hesitantly.

There was a short cheer.

"By the way," she added, "your time is up."

The cheering stopped immediately, and was replaced with some cursing.

"Answers?" Emily asked as politely as she could.

"Since I'm the leader, I should get first guess," Ian exclaimed. "And I choose… thirty-seven!"

Kevin then beat Joseph to the punch. "And since I'm second in command, I get to go next! I pick… fifty-two!"

"Alright," Emily tried to keep a poker face at their guesses. "And you, Joseph?"

He bit his lip nervously. But he needed to answer, _now_, or else he might cost them everything.

"Well?" Emily demanded.

"I-I say…" Joseph sputtered. "Um… well, uh… I pick… I mean, I choose… I want to say…"

"Oh, get on with it already," Ian muttered.

"Forty-two!"

The sound of technology being smashed to smithereens could be heard. Along with some angry screaming.

"Hey… Emily…" Julia prepared herself to ask this question. "Couldn't you just sic Tala on them anyway?"

Emily's screaming rants abruptly stopped, as if the thought never occurred to her.

Her face slowly spread into a smile. "That's an excellent idea…" She veered to the other supercomputer and pressed some keys. While she waited for the screen to load, she clicked on her headset. "Hey, Judy?" A pause. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor?" A longer pause. "No, not that one, the other one. You know, where you utilize your connections?" A short pause. "Yeah, that connection specifically. Just have him send him here." A small pause. "Thanks for the help!" A lengthy pause. "Yes, yes… I love you too."

Julia watched her yank off her headset, embarrassed at verbalizing such feelings at her coach, yet excited for the favor to unfold.

Emily was beyond excited.

And if Julia was being honest with herself, so was she.

.

Judy smiled to herself. That Emily sure was something else… but it was good to know she wasn't causing too much trouble. She signed into her computer and turned on her own headset. A small smile came over her face when she saw he was online.

She clicked on his name and messaged him to pay up the favor he owes.

She asked nicely, of course.

.

Emily sighed, and finally released the boys from that room. She never mentioned how she was bringing Tala to them, but that must have been a slip of the mind.

Besides, they were too noisy and cheerful once released. She couldn't have said anything even if she wanted to.

.

Ian practically dragged his comrades away from Emily, and her evil clutches. She may have released them from their temporary prison, but that doesn't mean she has no ace up her sleeve!

"Relax wouldja Ian?" Kevin asked nicely. "Nothing bad is going to happen."

"That's what you think," Ian muttered darkly. "That's what they all think!"

Joseph shifted his attention between his two partners in crime, not knowing who was right. So he took a deep breath, and pushed the last door of the building open.

The trio had to cover their eyes from the astonishing blindness that occurred.

Once the astonishing revelation that the sun was out set in, Ian noticed a redhead standing mere feet away from them.

A very familiar redhead. And, Ian was averse to knowing, he was wearing his eccentric outfit again. _Those damn genie clothes_.

"Hello Ian. Hello other short people," the redhead greeted them pleasantly.

Ian clenched his teeth, knowing full well how bad this encounter could go. "Genie Tala. What a surprise."

Kevin growled. "We have names, you know!"

"Yeah!" Joseph added helpfully.

Genie Tala lifted up his hands importantly. "Yes, I know, but I didn't feel like saying them." He kept his hands situated in mid-air, and mumbled something.

To the surprise of all three, panties started floating up away from their secure hiding spots. They watched in fascinated horror as Mariam's, Mathilda's, Salima's, Mariah's, and Ming Ming's panties all flew away from them, and straight towards a smirking Genie Tala.

He took advantage of their shock, and pocketed the sacred items. As Ian lunged for him, he disappeared as quickly as he came.

Ian, Kevin and Joseph could agree on one thing for sure; in a matter of seconds, all their hard work was just taken away. Even worse, there was nothing they could do to reclaim what was rightfully theirs!

All of Bey City was woken by anguish-filled screams that morning.

Ian silently vowed to get payback one day, and when that happens, he hopes the scars from this loss will have healed by then.

Because once they do… well, Ian will create a better list, a better plan, a better outcome.

For next time… he plans to snatch bras.

And succeed!

_**A/N**__: Oh thank god that's finally finished! It only took about… seven, eight months to get down? O.o I really, really hope it was worth the wait :S_

_Well, anyway, any opinions on this project are welcome!_

_Peace and love!_

_chocolatexloverx16_


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